sarcastic or
not sarcastic
that is the question


Birmingham Girl got me thinking about sarcasm yesterday. Could I becoming too sarcastic? And how would I blog sans sarcasm? I'll tell you right now, no can do! I thought I would put myself to the test and take yet another one of those crazy blogger quizzes.

Okay here's the real story--yesterday's post was so intense for me and you know that I waited a long time to say that, so today I got nothin'! I am too tired to put some real words and ideas together so I pulled an idea from Birmingham and added a blog thingie, so forgettaboutit and take the freakin' quiz already!

You Have Your Sarcastic Moments

While you're not sarcastic at all times, you definitely have a cynical edge. In your opinion, not all people are annoying. Some are dead! And although you do have your genuine moments, you can't help getting your zingers in. Some people might be a little hurt by your sarcasm, but it's more likely they think you're hilarious.

How Sarcastic Are You?

your day will come


Dear Mr. CEO:

You found it necessary to eliminate the jobs of scores of good employees and that was your prerogative. Your statement for the papers was weak and full of falsehoods that day.

Only a few months later your former employees have all moved on to new jobs. Even though I try not to think about what you did, the other day I saw your annual report. You know all of us know what's what yet your dog and pony show continues. That report, created by your so-called experts (with no souls) would be funny if it the costs weren't so high. Since I no longer work for you I thought I might try to remind you about the truth.

You, the fearless leader, once told your employees that profits are way, way down. You told them that they had to think, eat, and produce "growth and volume, growth and volume, growth and volume".

These days you talk about the system's outreach efforts but you fail to mention you let good workers go when you didn't have to send even one person packing. Don't play the "budget" card either. You claimed it was the only thing the company could do, but there are some other budget reductions you could have made. You just can't tighten the belt around the fatcat's belly--or can you?

The expense accounts you give your senior management execs are exorbitant. Do you think they could cut down on the long lunches and martinis?

You pay your presidents huge salaries yet you lease vehicles on the company dime for their personal use. They can't afford their own cars?

You have your corporate headquarters in one place, but you had to separate and move the executive team to a swankier highrise down the road, costing millions of extra dollars. The floors of offices you left behind are still there, in case you ever decide to change your spending habits.

Your elite crew gets to attend your “meetings” in the Caymans and your customers pay the tab. You forgot to mention that in your report. You couldn't have cancelled the Caymans to save someone's job? Does the company still own a timeshare there? Really I think you read too many novels because your practices are like something out of a book. Guess truth is stranger than fiction.

All your favorites (and their families) get to attend a yearly gathering in a northern resort for many days. I give you some credit for at least keeping this one in our own country, but do your customers have to pay for these vacations?

When the company brings in consultants from out of town they are put up in great hotels, yet that is your official reason for the company's ownership of the luxury apartment. I really want to know who uses that apartment. The consultants don't stay at the apartment, so just exactly who does?

You reward those who carry out your agenda and punish those who protect the rights of your customers. I won't even go into detail about the divison president's son who failed the company's drug test and got hired anyway.

You’re "deep-rooted" in the community alright. You paid yourself over five million dollars last year alone. How many customers does it take to get to that figure? Don't you think you should have cut all the fat out of your budget before you let all those people go? Many of them have been loyal to you for twenty years.

The people who still work for you hate to see all the waste, yet they are too afraid to speak up. Your brand of business makes government spending appear frugal. At least government is accountable to the taxpayers and the people can vote. Too bad your customers don’t have a say in how you spend their money after you overcharge them.

Your customers don’t know about your recklessness, but let me remind you there is a God and he knows all things.

Feeling a little hot under the collar yet?

twice in a lifetime

On Monday I thought my first day of work was going to go very badly. It really went rather well, considering I went back to work at a place where let's just say not everybody likes me because I was part of a citizen group that effected a change in the organization's leadership. You can do that if you get enough of your people out to vote.

I still had to stop for a moment this morning when I broke a compact mirror and then a black cat crossed my path, all on the way to my first day of work. When I pulled into the employee parking lot I had to ask myself am I right? Am I wrong?

This day went by painlessly, although I found myself in another part of the building asking myself how did I get here?

I may be making less money than the last job (darn those company downsizings) but I do have an office with a window. Of course it needs a lot of cleaning and is currently being used for storage (maybe I will take a photo). I have already run into an old friend of mine who told me I could use some space over at his building if I needed to move the stuff out. I NEED to move the stuff out.

I had to tell myself this is not my beautiful office, but it can be once I clean and organize it. Afterall, I work in Spin City so it's the people's office. I think the people would want me to clean it up--at least my people.

What words come to mind when I think about my first day of work at a place I thought I left behind nine years ago?

Same as it ever was...same as it ever was...same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...same as it ever was...same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...same as it ever was...

Okay, that may be a slight exaggeration. The mass workforce is the same but I am however lucky to be working closely with a few good men and women. I like to accomplish tasks, so I was impressed by their productivity. These producers welcomed me into their meetings today. I am pretty sure they know they can count on me to get things done.

I may ask myself how do I work this? One thing is for sure--I do know that I prefer to hang my hat with the people who seem intent on making a difference in a world of talking heads.

de ja vu


I couldn't sleep last night. I go back to work this morning after having the summer off...laid off.

I have accepted a new position at an old place.

A place in which I have worked before, so I have nothing to be nervous about, right?

Wrong.

This is not the jobs of which dreams are made of, but it is job in depressed Michigan. I am glad to get the employment and always work hard wherever I am.

I was wondering why me, a very positive person, has this feeling of impending doom this morning, then it occurred to me.

I know this place and have been burned there before.

I proceed with caution...into a hot kitchen trying not to get burned again.

This time I am older and wiser.

This time I have the knowledge of how to avoid the big blaze.

Let's hope for a better outcome this time around.

Burn experts...stand by. It's August and,

This day could get hot.

I told you I don't like Mondays.

shopping with

ma dum bell

These wireless earpieces or headsets, whatever you call them, are nice. I've got no problem with the device. They allow people much greater versatility. If I had a true need, I might get one.

Or, if I used my cell phone all the time, even when my child was trying to talk to me about school clothes, I might be persuaded to get one just for fun...like you.

If I talked as often and loudly as you, I might have a desperate need to get one so people notice me.

If I preferred to talk loud nonsensical gibberish for everyone in the fitting rooms to hear, I might be convinced to get a headset.

If I chose to talk, talk, talk while I cut in front of other people waiting in line to check out, well then I might need a freakin' earpiece!

Here's what...

That wireless head set that you so proudly display

DOES NOT MAKE YOU MORE IMPORTANT THAN EVERYBODY ELSE IN THE STORE.

Get a grip woman.

was it a typewriter?

There is a commercial. I do not know exactly what it is for, but I know you know it. It may be hair coloring. It has a beautiful woman (of course) and goes...

"Yadda, yadda, yadda haircare or exercise or cereal or something. Can you guess my age?
Did I have straight 70's hair or big eighties hair, yadda, yadda,
Did I do my college work on a computer or a typewriter?"

So the B-girl loves this commercial and guesses each time. The other day she asked...

"Mom did you do your homework on a typewriter or a computer?"

I say, " Well it was a typewriter."

Then it came...

"Mom what is a typewriter?"

What is a typewriter? What is a typewriter? First I thought...

Only the first love of my life. A machine that I could run to at any time and write words on that were readable to all or stashed away for no one to see.

The poetry
of first a young girl then a teenager.

The notes
the notes we typed to each other when we were supposed to be typing something else in high school typing class. We passed those notes from row to row. We never read the notes that had other kids names on them. We had class in typing class.

The news of the day
The typewriter I wrote my first news stories on and had published. We actually used carbon paper, Now I know for sure I can't explain carbon paper to a little girl.

The papers
The typewriter I hauled to college. It is in my mom's basement now. She has a lot of my stuff down there. I don't know where to find everything but I know the exact spot where the typewriter sits. I have visited it and used it on occasion. If all the computers were to blow up in some kinda world conspiracy--I have back up just a few blocks away.

My first one
The first typewriter I got when I was the B-girl's age. (See photo circa 1970). It was a junior play typewriter that actually worked. The first one on the block. It was the stuff that dreams were made of...Dreams of becoming a writer that mattered, or a poet or novelist. If only I still had that first typewriter maybe I wouldn't be some kind of PR hack today.

Friends who collect them
And the antique typewriters. The vintage Corona that my friend displays in the lobby of her printing business. How I gaze at it every time I see it.

"So what is a typewriter?" the B-girl wakes me as I lament.

"It was like a computer. You could type on it to make words, but there was no spell check and you really couldn't erase very well," I said.

"I like computers better," said the B-girl.

"Come to think of it, so do I,"

I said to a little girl who will be introduced to the now extinct typewriter on her next visit to Grandma.

getting better every day


This photo says, "Leave me alone. I don't care if you want a photo for your blog, I am not going to open my eyes or cooperate with you because you took me to the hospital and let them yank out my tonsils. Now I can't talk!"

Still recovering, but she is feeling better today!

getting back to good

My baby isn't feeling well right now.
She hasn't talked very much because it hurts.
I thought I might enjoy the silence because usually she talks my ears off all day and all night.
I would rather hear the talking because I hate to see my baby sick.
Uncle Hal and Aunt Pat came over to see her and bring her presents.
I thought she was off because she wasn't smiling very much.
I kept checking her temp and it was fine.
Now she has a fever.
If it goes above 101 we are instructed to go to Emergency.
Those tonsils and adenoids are gone but still causing problems.
She is laying on the couch with the teddy bear Aunt Pat gave to her.
My B-girl has sad little brown eyes tonight. I think the bear does too.
Maybe tomotrrow will be better.

tonsillectomy


My precious little B-girl got her tonsils out today, with no complications thank God.

In her room before surgery she asks, "Are you going in there with me Mom?"

The nurse interjects, "Mom will wait here."

I say "Jesus is going in there with you."

She says, "good."

Then she asks, "Will you fall asleep in here and meet me in there in my dreams so we can all be in there together?"

I say "that sounds like a good plan."

Two minutes later Uncle Hal and Grandma come in and surprise her before they give her the "sleepy juice".

When she woke up she told me Jesus was holding her hand in the operating room.

Three hours later she was home.

The B-girl is resting comfortably.

Mom is still in recovery.

Tell me why...

I don't like Mondays.

gray area


Getting the B-girl dressed in the morning can either go easy or it can be a bit more difficult.
I always put two outfits on her bed and she dresses herself in one. I have learned, especially last school year, that she needs to have a choice or she will not work with me.

Yesterday, I was running low on her summer shorts (I am doing the laundry now) so I put out only one outfit. Cute little gray shorts and matching top. This is how it went...

Me "Why aren't you getting dressed? "
Bgirl "I don't wear that."
Me "What? "
Bgirl "Gray. I don't wear gray. Gray is sad and that is why I put all the gray clothes in the back".

Now I know what this means becasue I hang up her clothes in the closet a certain way. Dance clothes to the left. Seasonal clothes in the middle. Skirts and dresses on the right. The "back" space I usually reserve for clothes that are not in season. I did notice that the clothes were being moved around but I thought she was playing with them.

Me "Why don't you like to wear gray? A color can't be sad."
Bgirl "Because it's not a real color, like let's say pink".
Me "Pink is a mix of red and white just like gray is a mix of black and white".
Bgirl "I know but you can't tell pink is a mix. Gray you can tell is a mix".
"You shouldn't buy me any gray clothes because I don't like them".
Me "Well that's good to know because we are going to buy your school clothes
this week".
bgirl "No gray".
Me "Okay. If you really feel that strongly. No gray. Only the colors you can't tell are mixed".
B-girl "Thanks mom".

Later I went upstairs to peek in her closet. There hidden in the back are all the gray clothes that are on hangers. I opened her drawers to find gray clothes rolled up and hidden in the far corners. I thought this cannot be everywhere so I opened her sock and underwear draws. Sure enough, the grays were singled out, slightly abused and hidden in the recesses of the dresser.

So I carefully packed the few gray clothes that I have purchased into a plastic bag, glad that I never bought any gray shoes. The bag will be going to the goodwill for children who do not panic at the sight of gray.

I know some kids and their mothers will be happy to get those gray clothes. They look like brand new. They certainly do not reflect the condition of the outfits that are worn over and over,
you know,
the ones that are
let's say pink.

the night i like

It's Friday night...finally!

I am so excited. I get all geeked up on the anticipation.

I get to see him anytime now.

I have gone and made myself presentable just for this one guy.

I am so ready for this.

We have discussed each and every detail on the phone.

Tonight everything will be perfect! Wait I hear someone coming...hold on.

Never mind, it was the next door neighbor.

I have been thinking about this night all week--longing for it really.

Afterall, Fridays have become our regular date night. We could mark them in our books!

I remember how he acted before we knew each other names. He was quite shy.

Now everything is so much easier. The conversation. The jokes. The laughs.

And what a history we have! We have kept our regular date every Friday night in good weather and bad...hot sun, ice and snow.

There was the time the power was out and I turned a flashlight on for him so he could find my place like a beacon in the night.

One day I was upstairs in the shower completely unaware of him pounding on the door. He said he left but couldn't stay away. He came back ten minutes later.

Last week the B-girl jumped out from behind the curtains only to scare the living daylights out of him. I couldn't help but laugh.

Wait I hear a car. No, that's not him.

Well, by this time I don't know what to think. I have waited so long here tonight.

It's already very late to get this kinda' thing started. Should I be concerned?

I hate to call him more than once. It makes me feel too needy.

He told me it would only be an hour before he got to my door but it has been an hour and a half.

So here I am on Friday night, waiting...and waiting.

Doesn't he know by now that I have a schedule to keep and he should have already come and gone?


Where the heck is this pizza guy anyway?

a gander at michiganders

Are you from Michigan or do you know someone from Michigan?

If you are or do know someone, you can relate to this one.

You Know You're from Michigan when...

off on a rant...

you terrorists must think we are idiots

http://www.freep.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060814/NEWS05/608140340/1007/NEWS

Okay if you don't have time to read the article link from yesterday's news reports, here it is in a nutshell:

Two guys found with hundreds of pre-paid cellular phones as well as photos and videos of the Mackinac Bridge were arrested down in Texas. They are from Dearborn, Michigan. Their attorney claims they are just nice businessmen who are victims of racial profiling. Please!

How could I stupidly surmise that we were somehow safer having so many terrorists living right here amongst us in Michigan? What happened to the theory that animals never you-know-what where they eat?

"Michigan has a higher percentage of Muslims (who live mainly in the Detroit area) than any other American state" according to the Census. Local news reporters here have uncovered much support, financial and otherwise, that has been tracked from here in Michigan to terrorist organizations in the Middle East.


"To win the war on terror, we must know who our friends are and where our enemies are hiding. We can't continue fighting terrorism using the same foreign policy blueprints that were in place before September 11th."
Evan Bayh

U.S. Senator from Indiana

Now don't get on me because I have mentioned a specific religion. I know there are many well-intentioned people practicing Islam. After comparatively studying the Christian, Jewish, Buddahist and Muslim religions, with as much objectivity as I can muster, I have noticed some important points that sets one of these apart.

Of the religions, only one contains the tenet for Jihad. Only one supports members who believe in killing "infidels" who refuse to convert. Only one does not find the means necessary to weed murderers of innocent people out of their religion. Sorry folks but the facts speak for themselves. Anyone who believes there are no religious implications in the "war on terror" is fooling themselves.

Betcha didn't know my brain actually considers serious subjects! While I am on this rant I am going to drop in a couple of definitions I found over the weekend pertaining to the Israel situation. Need to get all my angst out at once ...

Web definition of Hezbollah...

"Party of God" - Pro-Iranian Shi'ite party that is strong in Lebanon and has fought the Israeli army for many years.

My definition of Hezbollah...

TERRORISTS.

Web Definition of Israel...

"Israel" signifies three distinct but closely related entities: a people descended from the patriarchs and matriarchs; a covenant originally established between God and the first of the patriarchs that was renewed and extended to the whole people at Sinai; and a land given by God to this people so that they would have a place in which to live in relationship with God and in accordance with the terms of the covenant as spelled out in Torah. God elected the people Israel, established the covenant with them, and gave them the land for a specific purpose, namely, to reveal God to the rest of humanity and to serve as a model of faithfulness so that all human beings would be inspired to partner with God in completing the work of redeeming God's creation.

My definition of Israel...

PARTY OF GOD.

Like most Americans, I stand with Israel.

This whole rant has been brought to you by a brain striving to make sense of insanity gone global.

Perhaps Soccer Mom said it best.

the early bird gets to live...


I thought this information compiled by It's a Numeric Life is noteworthy,
especially if you ever find yourself in need of surgery.

Nobody is immune to the afternoon slumps!



Should I have my surgery early?

verbal invitation

It's nice to be nice, whenever you can.

It's nice when people call before they come over. I don't even mind if they call on the way over, but I don't want to answer the door with a messy ponytail on top of my head and bleach stains on my t-shirt (more about my Clorox obession later). I call people before I go to their homes, except for my mother's.

It's nice to say hello to people you have seen before. I always say hello to the guys who take care of these townhouses. Yes they are cute but that is beside the point. Because I say hello and don't act like I can't see them, they take excellent care of my apartment. Everyone is happy.

It's nice to be polite and it's always nice to say positive things. It just doesn't leave the right impression if you are always whining about something. I have learned these things over time.

And there are invitations... it's nice to send written invitations or even e-mail invitations. They are lovely things. Verbal invitations, however, are very delicate matters and should be reserved for your closest family members and really tight friends.

Case in point...

Yesterday I took the B-girl to her good friend's Birthday Party, who I will call M. We had a wonderful invitation to it. It came in the mailbox; it denoted a Luau theme and her parents even noted the kids would need swimwear and towels. M is the daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Heavensent (see archive).

So the party went off without a hitch. Everyone had a great time. B-girl and M are friends with some of the other girls their age from school. They are T and C. T's mom is really nice and sent an invitation to T's birthday last month. C's mom is a different story...She seems to only want to "associate" with T's parents and some of us appear to be after-thoughts.

While sitting at the same table at M's party, C's mom said this to me...

"I did not have your address or phone number but C's birthday party is next Sat. between 2 and 4. You don't have to bring a gift but please feel free to come by".

I said "sure we will be glad to and we will be happy to bring a gift". I said this because my daughter was standing behind the woman with her hands pressed together as if she was begging me to go.

I know the woman actually sent out invitations to some of the other kids' families, because Mrs. Heavensent asked me if I received one.

C's mother and I are developing an uncomfortable history. I have tried to talk with this woman at various events, but my attempts have been rejected. I noticed she talks very often about having a degree and working all the time. I have a degree too but I am sure she doesn't know it because I haven't mentioned it. I really don't talk about it unless I happen across a fellow Spartan or am trying to convert a Wolverine fan. After a certain age, we tend to be better schooled in the college of life.

There are some things to consider about this verbal ambush...

I am mildly upset the woman did not care enough to get my daughter's address from one of the other moms.

I do not want to go to this birthday party but I don't want to disappoint my daughter or the birthday girl, who could benefit from my daughter's friendship and attendance.

The woman's casual invitation seemed insincere. She did not even write down her address or phone number. She gave me verbal directions to the street and told me to look for balloons.

Now I am stuck going to a party I would rather avoid because I promised my daughter she could go.

Are there some new traditions of which I am unaware? Are we in such a hurry we don't have to consider the feelings (or schedules) of other people?

I am by no means a "Miss Manners" type...far from it,
yet I cannot help but wonder if there is some new
"Keep it Casual" club
of which I am not a member.

Is it perfectly normal
to be frustrated about
this apparent lack of consideration or
am I totally over-reacting?

I am a German Shepherd Puppy

Intelligent, quick witted, and a bit aggressive. You've got the jaw power to take a bite out of anyone you choose. (At least that's what the silly quizzers told me.) And I thought I was going to turn out to be a fun-loving Golden Retriever.

What Breed of Puppy Are You?

Tea Partay

I stole this one from "Is This It" blog, but it is so funny, I thought I would give it some more play!

Fear of the age Factor


Okay I guess I have to come to terms with it, but it happened so fast.

Yesterday I was twenty and today...fortyfreakinsomething!

Tonight the B-girl and I watched Fear Factor and it was Old versus Young.
I thought "this will be great", until I heard the "old" people were only five years older than me. Of course they won the whole thing...there's something to be said for experience.

Earlier today I saw someone that I have known since I was 18. We talked about the old days and the now days. We laughed like always and I don't view us any older--maybe wiser--but still the same...on the inside.

Last week on vacation some kids said to me "Cool you are not like the other mom" because I was squirting them back with the squirt guns at the water feature. Remember, they fired first. Apparently the other mom took offense at being shot with a little water. If you go into a pool with squirt guns, expect to get hit, regardless of age. Besides, it's fun!

I can't remember the exact moment middle age rolled in but I do know it's here. It's here in some aches and pains. My body tells me I am over forty, but my brain tells me something else.

Perhaps I have this youthful disposition because my daughter is only six. Maybe I have always had it. Sure I have grown wiser and more experienced, but I still like to have fun everywhere I go, whether I am at home, work, or just movin' around town.


There may be no fountain of youth for my body but my mental youth is a geyser and right now it is going full throttle. Hope it never quits!

AwAwAwoooo...

Did you see that moon last night?
Gotta love la luna.
I did not make a trek down to the river to view it over water, but enjoyed gazing at it anyway.
A big, bright beautiful moon is always enjoyable, especially in the summer.
Unless you are at work.
If you are working, you are guaranteed some crazy, but if you are at home or on vacation...what a beautiful sight.
I love it when the moon lights up the night!

Back from Bavaria

Well, not Bavaria but little Bavaria, otherwise known as Frankenmuth, Michigan.

I took my mom and my daughter to the Bavarian Inn Lodge and we had a fun time.
B-girl loved the five indoor pools and game room. Mom enjoyed getting away from
home and being in an air-conditioned hotel during record heat.

The B-girl made friends with two sisters who played with her while we were there--Stephanie, 10 and Katie, 12. I felt like I hade three kids with me. At least they all had fun. Note--my six year old preferred playing with the twelve year old more than the ten year old. What's that about?

I am so glad we got away for a couple days this summer. I told mom I would take her back this fall so she could do some more shopping at Bronner's Christmas Wonderland.

I did not know until I checked out that they have internet access there. When we go again I can post!